My oldest two boys are like chocolate and peanut butter. They always have been. Born 19 months apart...it's hard to remember Troy without Patrick. I wouldn't want to think of one without the other...they are thick as thieves, those two. Their personalities are so different. Troy is calm, introverted, reflective, go-with-the-flow, with a surprisingly subtle sense of humor. Patrick is a raging extrovert...and while he has always had a serious, thoughtful side...he's mostly dynamic, confident, "if you don't like me, your loss", wild-and-crazy.
When I think back on the years raising these beautiful boys, thousands of random moments flash through my mind: Blanket sleepers, two boys in a tub, road trips, camping trips, pushing them in the jogging stroller, sweet baby curls, chubby cheeks, arm rolls poking out of little tank tops, making cookies, matching outfits, swimming, snowsuits, bedtime stories, Barney, Thomas the Tank Engine, Buzz and Woody, Star Wars, Hobbits, Harry Potter, matching sandals that light up with each step as they run...squealing, "DADDY!!!" (Man, that's the good stuff!) And as they grow into men in these next couple of months and years, I still see them like this. I still want to hold them, still find them adorable, still delight in their friendship and swell with pride in their milestones. When they have families of their own...oh my goodness, I'm going to be a force to be reckoned with! (I just hope their wives like me.)
It wasn't until recently, that I thought of my sweet grandmother in this context. My Great-Grandma Nellie Parks ("Sugar Grandma") was an angel. I feel so blessed that I actually got to know her and have precious memories of her. But I just knew her as a very old woman (albeit an old woman who always seemed to just be delighted with my presence) without really relating to her life.
Even as a little girl I knew she was anxiously engaged in doing good. She was in her 80s and still doing volunteer work at the VA hospital with disabled vets. She continually gathered clothing and household donations for a nearby Indian reservation. She was actively involved in veterans organizations. She was the wife of a WWI navy veteran (an aviation rigger first class and pioneer in naval aviation)...and she earned a title none of us ever aspire to.....Gold Star Mother.
You see, Sugar Grandma also had two cherished, delightful, hand-and-glove little boys. Fishing, skinny dipping, ditching school, running around barefoot, little buds...who lived a life in San Diego, California that was straight out of a movie. (As my dad says it, they had a "Little Rascals" childhood.) My Grandpa Tom, born there at Balboa Naval Hospital, was the youngest and the quiet one...his older brother Jim was the outgoing one.
I think about how proud she must have been of her boys...the hopes she had for their future. Uncle Jim joined the Navy in 1937, following in his dad's footsteps... and his little brother Tom wasn't far behind, enlisting in 1939. They both served in the Pacific...Jim on the USS Langley (The Navy's first aircraft carrier) and my Grandpa Tom, after unsuccessful attempts to secure orders to the same ship, served as a submariner through the war.
On February 27, 1942...the Langley was hit by Japanese bombers and sunk. Only 16 perished...my Great Uncle Jim was one of them. My grandmother heard the news of the sinking over the radio...and received notice of his MIA status by telegram. After her death in 1980, I remember going through her cedar chest of mementos with my family. In a box of telegrams she saved was the telegram. I can't even imagine what that must have been like to receive it.
That loss left a huge hole in our family. How could it not? I think about what it must have been like for my grandmother through the years. Did she ever wonder what her son's life would have been like? Who he would have married? How many children he would have had? I remember right before I left for boot camp in 1989, my Grandma Corenne telling me that when my Grandpa Tom came back on his first leave after their marriage, he pleaded with her to have a baby. She was taken aback at the thought of having one so soon and initially protested, but my grandpa thought it would do much to heal the void in his parents' hearts.
In January of 1945, my dad was born, bringing much joy and healing to this family. But I still wonder, did Sugar Grandma only experience joy in her remaining son's family...or were there times she was reminded through them what she had lost? When she looked at her grown son, did she flashback (like I do) to her sweet Jimmy and Tommy playing in the back yard, reading them bedtime stories, drying them off after a bath? I don't know how you recover from a loss like that. But recover she did. And was she bitter or ruined? No. She was gracious and loving. Besides serving her family and friends, she recorded more than 10,000 hours volunteering at the VA hospital.
I wish there was some way that as an eight or a ten year old girl, while she was still alive, I could have expressed my gratitude to her, that I could have acknowledged the sacrifice she made for our country...but of course that's not possible. In order to truly appreciate what she lost, I would have to have some idea what she had to lose...which only comes with age and experience.
So I will just say it now, where hopefully in heaven she can hear. Thank you, Sugar Grandma...not only for your sacrifice, but for your legacy. I will never forget.
When I think back on the years raising these beautiful boys, thousands of random moments flash through my mind: Blanket sleepers, two boys in a tub, road trips, camping trips, pushing them in the jogging stroller, sweet baby curls, chubby cheeks, arm rolls poking out of little tank tops, making cookies, matching outfits, swimming, snowsuits, bedtime stories, Barney, Thomas the Tank Engine, Buzz and Woody, Star Wars, Hobbits, Harry Potter, matching sandals that light up with each step as they run...squealing, "DADDY!!!" (Man, that's the good stuff!) And as they grow into men in these next couple of months and years, I still see them like this. I still want to hold them, still find them adorable, still delight in their friendship and swell with pride in their milestones. When they have families of their own...oh my goodness, I'm going to be a force to be reckoned with! (I just hope their wives like me.)
It wasn't until recently, that I thought of my sweet grandmother in this context. My Great-Grandma Nellie Parks ("Sugar Grandma") was an angel. I feel so blessed that I actually got to know her and have precious memories of her. But I just knew her as a very old woman (albeit an old woman who always seemed to just be delighted with my presence) without really relating to her life.
Even as a little girl I knew she was anxiously engaged in doing good. She was in her 80s and still doing volunteer work at the VA hospital with disabled vets. She continually gathered clothing and household donations for a nearby Indian reservation. She was actively involved in veterans organizations. She was the wife of a WWI navy veteran (an aviation rigger first class and pioneer in naval aviation)...and she earned a title none of us ever aspire to.....Gold Star Mother.
You see, Sugar Grandma also had two cherished, delightful, hand-and-glove little boys. Fishing, skinny dipping, ditching school, running around barefoot, little buds...who lived a life in San Diego, California that was straight out of a movie. (As my dad says it, they had a "Little Rascals" childhood.) My Grandpa Tom, born there at Balboa Naval Hospital, was the youngest and the quiet one...his older brother Jim was the outgoing one.
I think about how proud she must have been of her boys...the hopes she had for their future. Uncle Jim joined the Navy in 1937, following in his dad's footsteps... and his little brother Tom wasn't far behind, enlisting in 1939. They both served in the Pacific...Jim on the USS Langley (The Navy's first aircraft carrier) and my Grandpa Tom, after unsuccessful attempts to secure orders to the same ship, served as a submariner through the war.
On February 27, 1942...the Langley was hit by Japanese bombers and sunk. Only 16 perished...my Great Uncle Jim was one of them. My grandmother heard the news of the sinking over the radio...and received notice of his MIA status by telegram. After her death in 1980, I remember going through her cedar chest of mementos with my family. In a box of telegrams she saved was the telegram. I can't even imagine what that must have been like to receive it.
That loss left a huge hole in our family. How could it not? I think about what it must have been like for my grandmother through the years. Did she ever wonder what her son's life would have been like? Who he would have married? How many children he would have had? I remember right before I left for boot camp in 1989, my Grandma Corenne telling me that when my Grandpa Tom came back on his first leave after their marriage, he pleaded with her to have a baby. She was taken aback at the thought of having one so soon and initially protested, but my grandpa thought it would do much to heal the void in his parents' hearts.
In January of 1945, my dad was born, bringing much joy and healing to this family. But I still wonder, did Sugar Grandma only experience joy in her remaining son's family...or were there times she was reminded through them what she had lost? When she looked at her grown son, did she flashback (like I do) to her sweet Jimmy and Tommy playing in the back yard, reading them bedtime stories, drying them off after a bath? I don't know how you recover from a loss like that. But recover she did. And was she bitter or ruined? No. She was gracious and loving. Besides serving her family and friends, she recorded more than 10,000 hours volunteering at the VA hospital.
I wish there was some way that as an eight or a ten year old girl, while she was still alive, I could have expressed my gratitude to her, that I could have acknowledged the sacrifice she made for our country...but of course that's not possible. In order to truly appreciate what she lost, I would have to have some idea what she had to lose...which only comes with age and experience.
So I will just say it now, where hopefully in heaven she can hear. Thank you, Sugar Grandma...not only for your sacrifice, but for your legacy. I will never forget.
7 comments:
I may be stepping out on a limb here, but I for one think you should write a book about your life. I would buy it and read it. Now, I can't tell if that's just a mix of your writing and my delight with reading about your family, or if you truly have a sense of writing style that many Americans would truly enjoy. I hope the latter, and I hope you do put your pen to use and write an actual book.
I hope you had a wonder Memorial Day! We're just getting started on ours!
Thank you so much for sharing this reflection. Maureen
Note to the Robinson Family - you are not out on a limb at all. More than once I have STRONGLY pointed out that the Stuarts have already lived a life worth some literary time and effort. I am thrilled that out of the blue, another customer of this future compilation speaks!
Carrie, as you know, we have been thinking along similar lines this weekend. However, I have never arranged these events and thoughts in such a touching and logical order. So thank you, my lovely daughter, for beginning my actual Memorial Day in such a heartfelt offering at this digital wall of remembrance. How wonderful is it to be able to use the new ways to recall and honor our touchstones of the past.
Much love, Dad
Hi Carrie,
That was a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and taking time to gather them in such a meaningful way.
Wow, you guys...thank you! My thoughts are so random, I don't know that I could ever bring them together in a book that has a point to it...but maybe someday.
Thanks for taking the time to comment. Love you guys!
I would love for you to write a book! Wow..this post
left me wanting to be a better person. Your grandma was indeed an incredible lady. I remembr her but never knew much about her life. I just remember you kids calling her Bye Sugar Grandma'. Such sweet memories.
I am amazed at how much your grandpa and his brother look like Troy and Patrick when they were little!!
Oh gosh, this has me in tears! Thank you for sharing. What an amazing legacy your grandma has left for your family. It's unfortunate that we seldom appreciate our elders and their many sacrifices much until (in many cases) they're already gone. So great of you to honor her this way!
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