The Journey Begins

July 18, 2012

Our trip began how it always does...staying up half the night, getting all the laundry done.  Sweet Brenda not only got us to the airport in plenty of time, she agreed to take my birthday packages for Troy to the Post Office, since it was closed yesterday and I forgot.  

{And as if she didn't have enough to worry about, I came out to her van from the house after locking it up, said, "Here's the keys," and instead of placing Cliff's keys between the front seats of her van, like I intended, I slid them into the front pocket of my purse, where I keep my keys.  Only I had no idea what I had done, until we arrived at the hotel and I saw Brenda's email asking about the keys.  It's a good thing we overfilled the cat's food and left her two dishes of water.  It's also a good thing that Brenda has the patience of a saint.  Spending the afternoon at the housing office, jumping through hoops to get a duplicate key is not anyone's idea of a good time, I'm certain.}

Anyway, back to the airport...we got there with lots of time to spare, so in addition to grabbing breakfast at Starbucks, we decided to take advantage of the sticky-pic booth, conveniently located at our gate.  

What are sticky pics, you ask?  Well...it's like those photo booths outside of KMart that give you a strip of silly, black and white photo poses.  Only on steroids.  Because in Japan, you go BIG or go home.  We managed to squeeze the five of us into the booth, take some wild guesses at what buttons we should push (not being able to read Japanese), and hoped for the best. 

Funny, our pics didn't come out looking quite like this.  I wonder what's up?

After you are done with your photo shoot, you step out into the next booth to do your post-editing.  Again, taking wild guesses, unless you know your Kanji.  Then, while the machine speaks to you in (what else?) Japanese, you cross your fingers and pray she's not trying to tell you anything essential to obtaining your finished product, and that you didn't just waste 400 yen and 15 minutes you'll never get back.



About a minute later...this is what the machine spit out. 
(Click to enlarge.)
I'm thinking Christmas card pics, no?

Once we got on the plane, Patrick didn't take long to zonk out at all.

Neither did Jake.

 

Cliff chose to use the time to bone up on his leadership skills.

And I slept until it was time for refreshments.  And then I slept some more.  You know...just like at home.

Is it just me, or is it crazy that all airlines don't do their trays this way?  Like that little dent in the seat-back tray is going to do anything to save your beverage if you hit significant turbulence.  THIS is a cupholder, people!  But yet, I only see these on domestic, Japanese flights.  Hmmm.

In no time at all, we were in Tokyo, with very little time to make our connecting flight to LA.  But JUST enough time to slurp some Udon noodles.  Well, those of us with taste buds slurped Udon.  The rest ate McDonald's.  *Shudder*

We were all thrilled that Cliff took the time to upgrade all of us to Economy Plus the night before, for our longer flight.  Six inches may not seem like a big deal, but when it means the difference between having your knees jammed into the seat in front of you for ten hours, vs. being able to extend your legs, it's HUGE!

Doing The Right Thing

July 17, 2012

Grandpa Bill with Patrick, Baby Coree and Troy 1997

What a whirlwind week.  We received the news of Bill's passing, and it sent us on a roller coaster ride...both emotionally and logistically.  I've read somewhere, or heard it said (or maybe both) that grief is magnified when you've been estranged from a family member who passes away.  It sounded reasonable to me, but I never really gave it that much thought until I was watching my husband try to navigate through it.  I don't have anything to compare it with, since I've never lost an immediate family member (estranged or otherwise) but it makes sense.  It adds another whole dimension to the process.  Instead of looking back on fond memories and loving bonds, you have heartache and regret.  There is no closure.  The relationship won't be "fixed" in this life.  It drudges up old wounds...and the complexity of the situation makes casual conversation about the passing difficult...and unfortunately, since getting a family back to the USA from overseas to attend the funeral involves a ton of conversation, it wasn't always pleasant this week.  

We learned first hand that the less you say, the better.  A heart-felt, "I'm so sorry for your loss" is really all that's needed.  Sympathy cards are awesome.  Probing questions are not helpful.  I told Cliff the next time someone asked if he and his dad were "close," he needed to answer with, "No, but thank you for reminding me that my dad was an alcoholic who never really had the capacity to love me, who shut me out of his life, regardless of my attempts to reach him."  I know people mean well, and I'm certain I've said plenty of dumb things myself, but it was a lesson to me to try my best to think about the possible answers to the questions before asking them.  It hurt my heart SO much to listen to him try to field these kinds of remarks graciously.  On the flip-side, I appreciated SO much those who were so kind and reached out to him, encouraged him to go to the funeral, and bent over backward to make sure it happened (even though Cliff is covering three jobs this summer...which meant others would have to pick up lots of slack).

Anyway, for the first few hours after we got the news, we didn't even think we'd go back for the funeral.  We didn't know if there was going to be a funeral.  His dad's wife was completely bewildered, her sister was trying to help from Alaska, Cliff was trying to help from Japan.  It was just madness.  Because of the time difference, we were making lots of late night and early morning phone calls.  We were trying to figure out what family members could come and when, as well as the details of the arrangements, the obituary, travel, etc.  Most family members didn't think they'd be able to attend, but as the days went on, things started to come together.  Schedules were rearranged, hearts were softened, plans were made, and Cliff put together a funeral from across the ocean.  I was in awe.  It would have been easy to bow out.  In addition to all the other factors (which would cause most anyone to give him a "free pass" from involvement).....we live on the other side of the world, for Pete's sake!  But in spite of it all, he did the right thing, and poured his heart into the arrangements.  Even though his dad wasn't a member, the local LDS ward where his dad lived was so generous in offering their help.  We were overwhelmed by their kindness.

So, tomorrow we start our journey to make the best of things.  Will there be family drama?  Psshhh...we're counting on it.  But we're also counting on the healing that gathering with loved-ones will bring...with people we won't even have to say a word to, because they'll get what a giant, soup-sandwich the whole situation has been, and they will help share the emotional burden.  Most importantly, Cliff will do his best to honor his dad the best he can...and have no regrets about it.