Talk about a trip down memory lane...
(Thanks, Dad...for the photo touch up job!)
I was getting ready for the Dining Out and thinking about my sweetie pie and how much I love getting dressed up to go out with him. This is our first Marine Corps ball back in 1991...we'd only been married a few months. It's one of my very favorite pictures.
I'm trying to remember tonight what it was like to be the girl in this picture. When I joined the Navy at 18, I considered myself so mature, such a woman of the world, charting my own course...smug in the fact that I broke the "Molly Mormon" stereotype and busted out of Smalltown, Utah. I had WAY bigger plans than playing the role of starving-student-turned-baby-machine. I was going to see the world, have a career, make a difference. None of this "housewife" stuff! In my grand plan, I wouldn't consider getting married younger than 25 (and that was pushing it)...ONLY if I was done with my nursing degree and had a great job and met THE dream guy by then. We'd maybe, eventually have 2 children...both boys (because I didn't think I could handle girl drama).
So who could know that at 21 (I can still feel myself gagging) I would meet and marry THEE one that I never dared dream even existed. (I'm actually still pinching myself.) And who could have known that I would long for and embrace ALL these things I ran from. Married young...CHECK. Starving student (3 years and $35,000 in student loans for grad school) CHECK. Baby-machine (4 kids in 6 years) CHECK. The majority of my married life spent as a "housewife"...CHECK. "Molly Mormon"...well, you can't have it all...but I find SO much joy in being "Carrie Mormon"...so, CHECK.
The funny thing is, when I think about MY plan, the one I so carefully and skillfully laid out at 18...knowing what I know now, most of it seems SO empty. Sure, doing things backward (by society's standards) has been rough. It was tight going from 2 small to 1 small income...it was hard having to take classes online while welcoming baby #4 into our home, with Cliff working full time and going to school every night. At 18, the thought of doing those things made me dry-heave...and I have to admit, even when I was going through them, most of the time I failed to see the humor or feel the joy. But now, looking back over 18 years, I am SO grateful that Someone had a bigger plan for me than I could possibly have dreamed. I wouldn't trade any of it. Not one stretch-mark, stretched-budget or research-paper-all-nighter.
What I wouldn't give right now to be having an at-home-date, with gourmet cocoa and ER after the kids are all tucked in...because that's all we could afford to spend in time or money. I know these months will pass and I'll have my "date" back again. I'm so grateful to be able to look forward to that. There will be many balls and other ocassions to dress up and follow protocol...but I don't think anything will ever top the excitement of long ago...hearing that garage door break the silence of sleeping children, cocoa ready (whip cream not too melty...just enough cinnamon), ER theme starting, looking over at my sweetie next to me...weary from another day of working, driving, schooling, and more driving...thinking I am the luckiest girl on the planet.
18 years later...and still having a ball!
5 comments:
Wow Carrie . . . this is among your finest posts. What world class writing skills you have developed. If you do not ever attempt penning a book from this tried, stretched and proven point of view, then the world-at-large will miss out on literary insight and genious not often seen.
I recently finished a novel by a new writter for me . . . Martin Clark. Near the end, he was musing about the main character with this:
"He (she) was now forged and tempered, all the clay and filler and alloy burned away. Someone with tales to recite, advice to give . . . a place to fit him (her)."
My mind is not as sharp as it once was and I may have mentioned this quote to you before. If so, forgive your old Dad, but it seems to fit you so! Start copying your blog posts and arrange in a word processor ap . . . then see if a book may be there, now or later. The lost or misguided souls out there with questions, doubts or even misgivings about their life's choices, seeing little hope in sight to ever be their best selves, EVEN as they are inside the Gospel framework and especially if they are not, these folks and ALL OF US need voices in the wilderness of day to day living such as yours to open our eyes to the hope that has always been there!
Carrie, what profound writing!!
With much love, Dad
Thanks, Dad...I know your words are genuine, if not unbiased. Writing feeds my soul, so you just never know.
Love you!
Hi Carrie,
Wow, what a nice post from your dad. I'm sure it brought a tear to your eye as it did mine.
Made my comment about your Flashback Friday blog before I actually checked it first...mea culpa.
Love,
Lisa
Loved it! Saw soo much of me in your younger you! Glad we met AFTER we married our Marine and began popping out the babies!!! LOL! Who knows what distractions would have led us away from meeting our bull dogs! LOL!
Well I'm not biased at ALL and I agree wholeheartedly with your dad :) You're beyond awesome and I'm always so proud of you.. and I don't care if that's prideful. ;) Love you!
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