Doing The Right Thing

July 17, 2012

Grandpa Bill with Patrick, Baby Coree and Troy 1997

What a whirlwind week.  We received the news of Bill's passing, and it sent us on a roller coaster ride...both emotionally and logistically.  I've read somewhere, or heard it said (or maybe both) that grief is magnified when you've been estranged from a family member who passes away.  It sounded reasonable to me, but I never really gave it that much thought until I was watching my husband try to navigate through it.  I don't have anything to compare it with, since I've never lost an immediate family member (estranged or otherwise) but it makes sense.  It adds another whole dimension to the process.  Instead of looking back on fond memories and loving bonds, you have heartache and regret.  There is no closure.  The relationship won't be "fixed" in this life.  It drudges up old wounds...and the complexity of the situation makes casual conversation about the passing difficult...and unfortunately, since getting a family back to the USA from overseas to attend the funeral involves a ton of conversation, it wasn't always pleasant this week.  

We learned first hand that the less you say, the better.  A heart-felt, "I'm so sorry for your loss" is really all that's needed.  Sympathy cards are awesome.  Probing questions are not helpful.  I told Cliff the next time someone asked if he and his dad were "close," he needed to answer with, "No, but thank you for reminding me that my dad was an alcoholic who never really had the capacity to love me, who shut me out of his life, regardless of my attempts to reach him."  I know people mean well, and I'm certain I've said plenty of dumb things myself, but it was a lesson to me to try my best to think about the possible answers to the questions before asking them.  It hurt my heart SO much to listen to him try to field these kinds of remarks graciously.  On the flip-side, I appreciated SO much those who were so kind and reached out to him, encouraged him to go to the funeral, and bent over backward to make sure it happened (even though Cliff is covering three jobs this summer...which meant others would have to pick up lots of slack).

Anyway, for the first few hours after we got the news, we didn't even think we'd go back for the funeral.  We didn't know if there was going to be a funeral.  His dad's wife was completely bewildered, her sister was trying to help from Alaska, Cliff was trying to help from Japan.  It was just madness.  Because of the time difference, we were making lots of late night and early morning phone calls.  We were trying to figure out what family members could come and when, as well as the details of the arrangements, the obituary, travel, etc.  Most family members didn't think they'd be able to attend, but as the days went on, things started to come together.  Schedules were rearranged, hearts were softened, plans were made, and Cliff put together a funeral from across the ocean.  I was in awe.  It would have been easy to bow out.  In addition to all the other factors (which would cause most anyone to give him a "free pass" from involvement).....we live on the other side of the world, for Pete's sake!  But in spite of it all, he did the right thing, and poured his heart into the arrangements.  Even though his dad wasn't a member, the local LDS ward where his dad lived was so generous in offering their help.  We were overwhelmed by their kindness.

So, tomorrow we start our journey to make the best of things.  Will there be family drama?  Psshhh...we're counting on it.  But we're also counting on the healing that gathering with loved-ones will bring...with people we won't even have to say a word to, because they'll get what a giant, soup-sandwich the whole situation has been, and they will help share the emotional burden.  Most importantly, Cliff will do his best to honor his dad the best he can...and have no regrets about it.

My Husband is (Almost) Always Right!

Date Night, some kind of fancy Japanese variety...I think "Chopped Chocolate." We also ordered a mint chip shake to take home to Jake (his favorite) since he was home alone. We're cool parents like that.

I love this man. He is very wise. He knows me well. Well enough to know what my hangups are...and to tread lightly when addressing them. Take my perfectionism, for example. He doesn't roll his eyes and tell me to lighten up or get over myself. He goes about it like this...

Cliff (sweetly): "Can I talk to you about something?"

Me: (thinking, 'uh oh...he's using the voice...what does he want?') "Of course!" (Read: "As long as it's something I want to hear.")

Cliff: "Sweetie, I think people back home want to read about what we are doing now more than they want to read about what we were doing five months ago, just for the sake of keeping the blog in chronological order. Couldn't you just dedicate yourself to starting now to keep up...and then go back as you can to catch up the rest?"

I start thinking, "But that won't work! People won't like that! It will be all out of order! If they aren't subscribed to read it on Google Reader, they'll have to go over to the archives on the side bar and try to figure out what they haven't read and it will be inconvenient."

But then I realized, I'm probably the only one who cares if it reads in chronological order. And if people care enough to keep track so they won't miss a post, they probably already subscribe, even if in secret. (I know some of you do that, and I don't mind. I certainly don't do all this to keep a count of people who follow the blog.) OK, so my mom doesn't subscribe, and she's my biggest fan...but I'm going to teach her so she doesn't have to keep checking here every day, in vain. Love you, Mom!

And for those of you who DO read this in Google Reader, I know that regardless of the date I start the post...in Reader, it will show the date that I hit the "Publish" button. Since that will be confusing, if those dates are not one in the same...I will list the date each post occurred at the beginning of the post. Sound like a plan?

If you like it, you can thank Cliff.

Now I have to go so the shake snake can get on this computer to do an assignment he procrastinated. None of the others will work for his geography CD. I can NEVER get on this computer...and even when I think the coast is clear, five minutes later a kid comes in needing to get on for "an assignment." The irony? It's my computer! *sigh* It's a good thing I love them.

Eat, Shop, Laugh (Curry House Paradise)

We had another lovely date night. Our kids had all been to the new curry buffet, Curry House Paradise, but we had yet to eat there, so we gave it a whirl.


It's part of the new section of American Village, Depot Island.



There were many varieties of curry. I tried four of them because I wanted to arrange my plate like they did in their advertisements. Doesn't it look terribly clever? They were all wonderful. I don't even remember exactly what they were, other than a couple of them were chicken, one was pork.



We started with soup and salad, which were also included.



The decor had a very Latin flair (as did the music)...which I was not expecting from a curry place. But if I have learned one thing on Okinawa...it's to always expect the unexpected.



Afterward, we decided to do some window shopping.



And found some very interesting items. I don't know what fruit has to do with waist size...



Or what peace has to do with underwear, for that matter.



Utah is famous. Who knew.



There's even a whole line of CTR clothing!



They should really open up a Wasatch Front location, don't you think?



It even comes in Primary colors!



And on redneck hats, too!



I wonder what kind of music the CTR channel would play?
Give Said the Little Stream?
Popcorn Popping?



Look, Lisa! (I didn't see a Bee's Knees volume, though.)



And as if we needed more hideousness in the world, there is an entire store of Crocs (as opposed to a small rack in the Target garden department, where they belong). This is another store that would do well in Utah, me thinks...judging by the number of children I see show up to church on Sunday wearing these. (Can I get verification from any of my Utah peeps?) Apparently, horrid, brightly-colored, foam is the new leather. For the love of good taste, PLEEZE let this fad pass quickly...along with those horrible sandals that squeak with every step.

Anyway, that was our exciting date night for this week. We give Curry House Paradise four thumbs up. We'll be back, I'm sure.

Tortilla Factory

Since reading about this place on OkinawaHai, Cliff and I have been eager to try it. We miss Chipotle back in the States...we miss good Mexican food of all kinds, in general...so we are always hopeful when hearing about someplace new. We knew better than to think it was actually going to be as good as Chipotle (for some reason, Mexican food does not translate well here) but we hoped for some resemblance, since Tortilla Factory was patterned after it.

We were helped by the owner or manager and he was very enthusiastic. Two other parties had just left; it was just us in the place so we had his undivided attention. It was sweet how he stood there near our table waiting with anticipation as we took the first bite. We nodded enthusiastically...and by his bowing, I think we were adequately animated for his liking and he returned to the kitchen.



First, document the moment...now let the feeding frenzy begin!



I'm getting hungry again just looking at this. We both opted for the pork carnitas. I would have loved chicken (ala Chipotle), but they use solid pieces of (reheated) chicken, instead of shredded chicken, so I went with the shredded pork. I have texture issues and didn't want to take any chances.



It was super-yummy! Here's a look at the layers inside.

The tortilla soup was also very good. We will go back, for sure. We were correct in assuming it wouldn't be Chipotle, but it was still delicious. Does it sound terrible to say, "Go in with low expectations and you'll be pleasantly surprised?" I know that's not what I'd want reviewers to say about my restaurant, but it's just that when you live near "the border," most of your life and have access to all manner of Mexican food (from large chains to holes-in-the-wall), it's hard to measure up. By Okinawan-Mexican standards, however...this place gets 4 stars!

Hot Date and Sea Side Cafe

I love lazy, weekend, daytime dates! Cliff and I decided to park in a neighborhood near the sea wall and take a walk along the water.


You just never know what you are going to find around here. Exploring never gets old. This is a bar made out of an old bus. See the sign by the door? We were pretty sure the place was abandoned by the looks of it...but you really never know.



Beautiful stained glass...



Interesting architecture...



And of course, fishermen.



We walked from one end of the sea wall, as far as we could down to the other, and then came back for lunch nearer to where we started at the Sea Side Cafe. We've heard rave reviews about this place and were eager to try it. There was a family with wild kids running roughshod over the place inside (it's a very small restaurant) and it felt like they had no AC going, so we did an about face and opted for the front patio seating. It was hard to beat the view. A couple of the other tables on the patio had chillin' dogs tethered to them while their owners relaxed and ate. Combined with the sound and smell of the water, the whole scene was very serene.



A little peek at the menu. While hard to pass on a "Big velly burger"...



I had to go with the number one Smoked Salmon & Avocado (with lemon cream french sauce).

Cliff thought about the classic burger, but rumor has it, it's number two...



So he opted for the fish and chips.

The food was simple, but delicious. I think it's a perfect spot for lunch. They even have (not free) Wi-Fi if you are interested...and it's pet (and apparently kid) friendly.

Royal Wedding

I brought home a special treat from Hawaii. (Besides the dark chocolate covered macadamia nuts.) A wheezing, hacking cough. It started subtly on the plane, but has increased to the point that walking from my room to the laundry room leaves me winded. I know. I just did it. My lungs are screaming.

Also, Cliff left town for a conference, which has only compounded the suckage. I think it will be good for him, though. He needs some down time. After the conference, he's going to go spend some time with good, old friends who I am confident will give him the TLC he is in need of. I wish I could go too. I could use some TLC.


Instead, I watched this. (An actual photo of my TV screen.) I don't know if you've had this same experience...but my Facebook newsfeed has been lit-up with people saying things like, "What wedding? Someone is getting married?" or "who cares about a blanking royal wedding" or disparaging comments about marriage in general. It's almost like they think the hating will make them look edgy and cool or something. It doesn't. It's just boring. If you don't want to watch it...Don't. There you go. I happen to think it is romantic. And it's watching a piece of history in the making. Maybe it also has something to do with feeling like I found my prince twenty years ago? I don't know. (Have you seen Cliff in his dress blues? Insert tongue trill here.)

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed the diversion. It reminded me of my mom turning on the TV back in 1981 to watch Charles and Diana's wedding. Until that moment, had no idea there were princes and princesses outside the Wonderful World of Disney. My little mind was blown.

I'll take a royal wedding over most of the garbage on TV any day of the week and twice on Sunday. I just wish I could have watched it with my prince. He probably wouldn't want me to cough on him anyway and would go play XBox Madden Football. Come to think of it, I don't think it would take wheezing to drive him out of the room if I turned on the royal wedding. That's OK, he's still my Prince Charming. I wonder if princesses get sick?

Easter Traditions 2011

Easter was really late this year...and it's a good thing, too. It gave Jake and I a chance to get home to enjoy it with the family.


Flashing gang signs while waiting for the hunt.



Jake was worried how he was going to find his basket on crutches, so I went easy on him. Turns out the shoe basket was too easy. He found his first.



Coree was next...clever girl.



I'm pretty sure we do the dryer every year. 25% chance you'll find yours there.



Patrick over-thought his. Not that we haven't done the dishwasher, but he was climbing on counters and being ridiculous.



The coat closet was the last place he looked. OK, well...I guess that's true for any place you hide it.



Cliff was thrilled to learn he had a surprise Easter basket and hunted enthusiastically.



Charlotte was hoping for Whiskas. Bummer.



He was a little sheepish that he hadn't gotten me anything...



He needn't be. I was prepared with two of everything. ;^)



Easter basket hunt 2011: Success. Notice the utilitarian baskets? I got rid of the Easter baskets. They took up too much space. These work just fine and are useful more than one day a year.

Next on the agenda? The Jerusalem dinner! Here's some of what was on the menu this year:

lamb and barley
mustard glazed rack of lamb
flat bread
hummus
nuts and dried fruits
asst. cheeses and olives
grape juice

And since we didn't get any honeycomb from my dad this year, Honeycombs will have to do.

This is what it looked like.



The rack of lamb was new this year and it was a huge hit.



Even Coree ate some!



It was so awesome to sit around and listen to everyone rave about how this is their favorite tradition. You know, we try different things, and some stick and some don't...but I'm glad this one did. We don't do everything perfectly, we don't do near as much as some people...but I love the memories we've created...and I love this family so much.



And this guy? He's my hands-down favorite. I couldn't have done it without him.